Author’s Note:
As of right now, my first draft is FINISHED! I have a long editing and revisions process ahead, but here it is! Draft one! I am so incredibly excited for everything that comes next.
This is a rough draft. It has not been edited properly. Nothing is set in stone yet, and things may change as the draft develops. Thank you to anyone who reads and leaves feedback.
Read the rest, here:
Ten Months Later:
“Are we absolutely certain this isn’t going to be horrible?” Augusta asks.
They’ve just pulled onto the long, gravelly road through the woods where service disappears. It’s their last chance to turn back.
Luana, sitting in the driver’s seat of her RAV4, gives a little, endeared snort of laughter. She has answered this question close to a hundred times, Augusta imagines.
“I feel certain,” she says. “Trust me.”
She does. Augusta does trust Luana. They’ve been dating for a little under a year, and in that time, she has never had a reason not to trust Luana’s instincts. For one thing, she’s incredibly smart. For another, she’s been to a lot of therapy to help with the decision-making errors that have hurt her in the past. There’s no way she’s made the choice to come on this weekend getaway for any other reason than that she wants to, which means she’s fairly certain it will go well.
Augusta is just nervous, despite all that.
“I seem to remember you having high hopes for the last time, too,” Augusta reminds her. “That we could turn it into a good week.”
“Hmm,” Luana smirks. “I’d say last time worked out pretty well for me.”
Augusta feels heat creep up her cheeks. Not only does she just genuinely enjoy being the subject of her girlfriend’s praise, but it’s still so nice to hear her simply say things. A year ago, she’d been so buttoned up. Watching her slowly open up and express herself has been really beautiful for Augusta.
It’s also why she agreed to this trip. A trip Augusta has definitely referred to as the sequel vacation from hell to Alannah when she was trying to decide. A repeat journey to Carey’s cottage, this time in the opposite couplings of how they arrived last year. A recipe for discomfort and awkward small talk, in Augusta’s opinion.
At first, she had been staunchly against it. Sure, Luana has kept up her friendship with Sam and Carey. Augusta has even seen them for a few dinners. Those had been fine. Good, even, if she’s being honest. Sam is so much nicer to be around now, and things with Carey are less painful than they were. It’s just that she only really does it for Luana. Because it means something to Luana. Augusta wouldn’t organize those dinners for them if it were up to her.
So why would she agree to a weekend away?
Because of one really good point.
“If there’s a chance to take a bad memory and make it a good one, isn’t that worth it?” Luana had argued. “Isn’t that sort of what we did? And I think that turned out better than I could have ever hoped for.”
It’s been a bit of a theme for Luana; healing the wounds in her life, and turning negative situations into positive, or at the very least neutral. She’s been trying where she can, even though not everything is so easily fixable. Her father still hasn’t come around, and that’s a pretty big source of pain for her. So Augusta capitulated. She can give her this. But two nights only; she’s not going to be insane and go for a week again.
The trouble is, when Augusta loves someone, she’s willing to do absurd things, like spend time isolated in the woods with a guaranteed awkward dynamic. Crazy, honestly. She should probably get that checked out.
Despite all her reservations, she does know it can’t be as bad as last time. It won’t. The worst it can be is very uncomfortable.
Augusta looks out the window, at the bright, healthy greens of the passing trees. She looks in the back of the vehicle, where Sailor is safe in her crate. She looks at her girlfriend, at the big, fun framed sunglasses resting on her nose, and the glossy smile on her lips. She looks so happy to be doing this.
Maybe there’s still some good that could come out of this weekend, even if it does end up being painful, too.
▪️▪️▪️
They pull up a few minutes after Carey and Sam, who are in the middle of unpacking. Luana puts the car in park, leans over, kisses Augusta’s cheek, then unbuckles her seatbelt.
“It’s going to be fine, Gus,” Luana promises. “We’re going to have fun.”
“If we don’t,” Augusta whispers. “Our next trip has to be a long, relaxing week at a very quiet, very tropical resort.”
“Deal,” Luana grins. “Let’s do that anyway.”
With that out of the way, Luana climbs out of the driver’s seat of her car, holding not an ounce of the hesitation that Augusta feels.
“Hey!” Sam calls out to her. He’s halfway up the porch with a big cooler in his arms. Carey is standing in the doorway, like he’s just put something away.
“Don’t hey me! Get over here and show me right now,” Luana instructs.
Sam’s cheeks go pink. He sets down the cooler on the porch and makes his way over to Luana, holding out his hand for her to examine.
Right. Augusta almost forgot. That’s another thing that happened. Carey and Sam got engaged a month ago.
Augusta had been surprised when it happened. It seemed quick. But then again, they’ve been friends for years and years, so maybe it’s overdue. Who is she to say? They haven’t seen either guy since it happened, so Luana hasn’t had a chance to have this moment. She had approached the entire thing with sheer optimism. She was just happy for them. Augusta feels like she should feel something more than she does. She feels like she should be uncomfortable about it, and her lack of a strong emotion is making her sort of anxious. Like it’s something hiding, waiting to come out. Still, she doesn’t know what that feeling will be.
“Ah! I love it!” Luana cheers, grabbing at Sam’s hand.
Augusta climbs out of the car herself, waves an awkward hello, and then makes her way around to the trunk to let Sailor out. She’ll comment on the ring if she must, but she doesn’t feel appropriate gushing.
“Hey, Lu! Hey, Gus!” Carey calls, walking down the stairs. “I did good, right?”
Augusta supposes this is the part where she’s supposed to feel bitter. Usually, when someone you love leaves you for someone else they then proceed to propose to, you’re meant to wonder, what if? Right? She doesn’t actually know. That was the first time that happened to her. And hopefully the last. She’d like to keep Luana; she loves her very much.
Maybe that’s why she doesn’t feel bitter. Maybe that’s where the sense of not knowing how to feel comes from. Yes, that could have been her and Carey. But she’s glad it isn’t. Nothing against Carey, but she thinks her and Luana are a better fit.
“Yes!” Luana confirms enthusiastically. “How did you do it?”
Augusta pops the trunk and lets Sailor out of her crate. The dog jumps down, sprints in an excited circle, then crashes madly into Sam.
“Hi, baby!” Sam greets her, crouching to ruffle the fur on her head. “Hi, girl. I missed you.”
The first time they’d all hung out together after Augusta and Luana got together, Augusta had been worried that Sailor would prefer Sam to her. It had been a strange, petty fear. She worried she wouldn’t measure up for the dog. She’s found that she quite likes having a regular dog in her life. Of course, Sailor is a spaniel, and it’s more or less in her personality to like most people. She’s just a generally easy-going, happy dog. Augusta was worried for nothing.
“Um,” Carey blushes at Luana’s question. “It’s actually not a great proposal story if I’m being honest…”
“That’s a lie,” Sam says. “I happened to love it.”
That piques Augusta’s interest more than anything. “Wait, what did you do?”
“I had literally just walked into the house after what felt like the longest shift of my life, probably smelling like vomit,” Sam explains.
“You did not smell like vomit!” Carey argues. “And, in my defense, I actually had something planned the next day. Like a proper dinner and proposal type situation. I just couldn’t wait any longer.”
“I definitely smelled like vomit,” Sam says.
“I think vomit has been brought up too many times in this proposal story,” Augusta opines.
“I agree,” Carey says. “Because it’s really not the point.”
As they unpack, he goes on to explain how Sam had come home, exhausted but buzzing about some super sweet kid he had helped and how he loves his job, and Carey had just lost all his ability to wait any longer. He’d done it then and there, and Sam had, of course, accepted. It had been a moment of pure, overwhelming love between them. Augusta agrees with Sam; it is a good story.
“I am so happy for you guys!” Luana squeaks after they’re done telling it.
“Congratulations,” Augusta says. “Really.”
“Thank you,” Sam beams.
Carey catches her eye. He looks sort of sheepish. Like he, too, feels the strangeness of this moment in a way their respective partners can’t seem to.
“Yeah, thanks, Gus,” he says. “Uh, enough about us. Can I get anyone anything to drink?”
▪️▪️▪️
“Sorry about all of that earlier,” Carey says to Augusta when they get a rare moment alone.
Luana has taken Sailor out to pee and Sam is in the washroom. They’ve already cracked open the wine and are making their way through a picnic style dinner over a game of cards. It’s nice. Normal, even. Way more normal feeling than last year.
“Sorry about what?” Augusta asks. He’s hosting them here yet again, going his usual above and beyond to try and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves.
“All the proposal stuff,” Carey says. “I know it was sort of awkward.”
Right, and bringing it up doesn’t make it less awkward. Although, wasn’t that the problem last year? They’d all avoided talking about the awkward parts. Maybe Carey had learned his lesson better than she had. She doesn’t want to bottle it all up until she bursts this year.
“Yeah, it was,” Augusta admits. “But not because I’m not really happy for you. I think it’s fantastic. I just think that I was waiting to feel something more about the whole situation?”
Carey nods. “That makes sense. There’s no rulebook for dealing with this.”
“There’s really not,” Augusta says. “And I think if we wrote into some sort of advice column, they tell us we’re crazy for even trying.”
Carey laughs. “Right? My sister looked at me like I had three heads when I explained it to her.”
“I don’t blame her. But I am happy for you,” Augusta says. “You know that right? I know I was pretty bitter in the beginning.”
“You had every right to be bitter,” Carey says. “And, yeah, I do feel like you’re happy for me and Sam. And probably not sad at all because you ended up with one of the coolest people I know.”
Augusta’s cheeks flush. “I really did. I guess you can say I told you so.”
Carey grins. “I did tell you so.”
She laughs. “Most people respond to that with humility.”
“I have to gloat!” He protests. “I almost caused the most awkward social disaster in the history of Ontario cottage country, but somehow, it all got pulled back from the brink.”
Somehow, this only serves to make Augusta laugh more. Like the absurdity of it is truly so massive, it’s easier to laugh than feel resentful.
“Oh, I’m sure there’s something worse that has probably happened on this very lake,” Augusta counters. “Probably a body dumped off a boat. You’re second place, maximum.”
Carey snorts. “Ah, thank you. That’s way better.”
She shrugs. “Could always be worse.”
“Okay,” Carey exhales. “So you don’t seem angry that you’re here.”
“If the idea made me angry, I wouldn’t have come in the first place,” Augusta assures him.
None of this is offensive to her. She’s forgiven everybody involved, including herself, mostly, for what happened last summer. She’s just certain it won’t be as fun and magical as Luana seems to think.
“You’re nervous, though,” Carey says quietly.
Augusta nods. “Yeah, I’m nervous. Luana has high hopes for us all having a great weekend, and I really don’t want to let her down.”
“I get it,” Carey says. “Believe it or not, this weekend was actually Sam’s idea, not mine.”
Augusta thinks she did know that. At the very least, she knew it had been Sam who had suggested the whole thing to Luana. But they talk the most, so that just makes sense.
“Oh, yeah?” Augusta asks anyway, curious where Carey is going with this.
“I kind of thought he was crazy at first, because I was certain you and I would not be as fun as he was imagining,” Carey explains.
Augusta laughs a little. “Yeah, I think that’s a fair concern.”
Carey nods. “But we’re both happy for each other, we’re both… Reasonable people, I hope?”
“I think so,” Augusta agrees.
“Maybe if we’re uncomfortable, we can just tell each other?” Carey suggests.
Augusta nods. “I think I can manage that if you can.”
He’d told her he wanted to be friends, once. She thinks they’re tentatively there now. Part of that is trusting each other.
Carey raises his wine glass towards her, like a strange, boozy version of a pinky promise. She clinks her own against it. As she does, the anxiety that’s been eating at her all day subsides. Maybe Luana really was right after all; it is possible to take the scene of a previous disaster and turn it into something better. She can buy into that mission. She can try.
▪️▪️▪️
To Augusta’s surprise, the rest of the weekend goes smoothly. In fact, it’s even better than smooth. She actually finds herself having a really fun time.
There isn’t the same pressure as last year. Everyone has already made an ass of themselves at one point or another, so no one has to pretend. All the difficult things between them have already been aired and forgiven. The tension Augusta feared never appears after that initial talk with Carey.
Instead, Augusta finds herself watching Luana be fully herself in a place where it’s safe for her to do that. There is no hint of any performance, and she just seems so much lighter. It’s so easy, this weekend, to see what drew Sam and Luana into being together for so long. They really are great friends. They make a mean duo in any card game; there’s a shared sense of competitiveness that Luana can’t quite pull out of Augusta. They have very similar senses of humour. There’s an easy affection between them that doesn’t seem at all awkward paired with the knowledge they used to date. They’re just really good friends, and it feels like that’s all they ever were.
Somehow, on the second day, Carey manages to get them all back out on the boat. Augusta would think after last year, he may not want to, but apparently there’s no limit on second chances this weekend.
“You’re sure about this?” Augusta asks as Luana clips on the life jacket she still insists on wearing. “You hate boats.”
“I will be consuming a reasonable amount of alcohol this time and I have no more awkward secrets to inadvertently spill,” Luana says confidently. “I think I’ll be okay.”
Augusta can’t help but laugh at that. “Well, that’s reassuring, I guess.”
Luana winks. “All my remaining secrets are very fun.”
“Oh yeah?” Augusta asks. “Like what?”
Luana smiles. “You have never seen me pull off a stunning rendition of Shania Twain’s Party For Two while doing drunken karaoke.”
That is a pretty fantastic secret, Augusta can’t lie.
“Which part?” Augusta asks.
“Both!”
All this to say, the mood is pretty good when they get on the boat. Augusta’s mood is pretty good when she gets on the boat. This isn’t going to be awkward like before. And in fact, it’s exactly what she didn’t realize she was sort of trying to avoid last year; having the opportunity to stare at Luana looking very hot in her bathing suit, despite the ridiculous, garish orange life jacket. She’d noticed that last year quite a lot, but it hadn’t been right to look or appreciate. This year, she sure can.
And she does.
She watches as Luana, like last year, is given control of the music selection for the boat, and chooses the same playlist she puts on while cleaning her house. Something fun and upbeat and carefree; music you can sing and dance along to. She watches as Luana looks out from the front of the boat, pointing at birds and nice cottages and every other little thing, sun glinting off her skin. She watches her passing jokes back and forth with Sam, laughing with her full soul.
She’s so beautiful. She’s so alive. And unlike before, she’s completely free of the cellophane wrapping of who she thought she had to be. She’s perfectly who she is.
And one of the things about Luana that is the most beautiful, the thing that has been so beautiful about her from the moment Augusta met her at that party all those years ago, before she even knew her name, is how she brings everybody into that warm energy that radiates out from her. She’s like a sunbeam, giving light to everything she touches.
Somehow, despite everything that has transpired between them, Augusta is one of the people that gets to spend time in her light. She gets to be right beside her.
She gets to be the person whose hand Luana reaches for when she finally sits back down onto the cushioned boat seating, grinning and beautiful. She gets to be the person who has already heard a silly joke she tells. She gets to be the person who already knows what song is next on the playlist. And when they stop in a deep bay to jump off the boat and swim around in the seemingly bottomless, cool water, Augusta gets to be the person who Luana swims to. The person whose cheek she presses her chilled lips against. So even surrounded by cold, dark water, Augusta feels completely warm.
At one point, with the sun high in the sky, they’re floating on their backs on the surface of the lake, fingers interlocked. Augusta’s eyes are closed to keep the sun out of them. She can hear the thrum of the music from the boat.
“Hey?” She hears Luana ask softly.
“Hi,” Augusta replies, squeezing her hand without opening her eyes.
“Are you happy?” Luana whispers.
It strikes Augusta as a strange question for their current circumstances; floating on a beautiful lake in the middle of vacation weekend. Unless she’s been acting miserable. Which, she doesn’t think she has… She’s actually been enjoying herself!
Augusta opens her eyes and looks at her, twisting her body so she’s treading water instead of floating. “Do I seem unhappy?”
“No!” Luana insists. “No, you… You seem really happy, Gus. That’s why I wanted to check in, I guess. I want to make sure you’re actually having fun this weekend, and it’s not just for me.”
Oh.
“I feel happy,” she promises. “You were right. This is really nice. I’m glad we did this.”
Luana beams at her.
“Me, too,” she says. “I’m glad some things don’t have to be broken forever, you know?”
Augusta looks up at the clouds, thinking about that. She’s spent so much of her life and her career thinking about things that are irreversible. Things end. People stop talking. People die. Life seems full of chemical changes. But maybe some things can change and take new shapes and be all the better for it.
Maybe not everything is an ending.
Augusta relaxes her back, letting herself float, legs rising back up to the surface of the lake.
“Yeah,” she agrees. “I think I do.”
If this is the last chapter then it’s perfect. I may even have had a few tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. 💜💜